Continuous rise and fall, heaving and surging
Habitual expansion and collapse, crests and troughs alternating It's a sign of my existence, of my being The air gushes in to become a part of me Bringing with it a bit of the earth, the wind and the sea A part of the land, a part of my home and tree It forms my thoughts, my heart and my bones I carry with me this habit everywhere I roam Making the land beneath my feet and the wind my own I am a part of my motherland and a part of me it will always be The air has gushed in for many years, forceful and free Now my new home across the ocean is also a part of me.
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Colours shift with the scene, eyes change
One moment I am seen, the other out of your visual range Eyes in all directions and body very still Peel your eyes and peer closer with all your skill Sights and surrounds have undergone an alteration Language is familiar but the tongue foreign Ideas vary and so does the rationale Mind shifts, tongue twists in harmony with the new locale Mimicking sounds, appearances and values unknown Foreign is no longer foreign but now my own Keep your eyes peeled, for now I am seen, now I am not I may blend in but I have my very own thoughts! The newness is exciting, the foreignness exhilarating My alien-ness feels exotic and promising Of people, adventures and land yet to experience Different to my own sound, thought and appearance Time to ease the burden of my non-conformity To erase the slate of my past and make new harmony Time settles in, diminishing the stars in my eyes I feel more alien than exotic, my past fears arise I revert to my introvert world, to the battle within Judgement of others on who I have always been I want to be seen and heard, but any eyes on me I do not want I shut tight my own naive eyes to the world's perceived taunt Trying to shut out my own judgement on my diversity Trying hard to fit into my own self in reality I will always be me, whichever land my seeds are sown My sound, thought and sight though different, will always be my own. I float through life, full of air, disembodied
Filling the expanse around me My senses misshapen, my thoughts liquid I long for the ground and my roots Finding instead, coiling around my volatile limbs Steely tendrils of my fickle mind The expanse shrinks around me Coils tightening their grip Hold me in my suspended state Freezing me into inactivity, stagnant inability Desultory confusion spreading inside me My all-seeing eyes take it all in Inert limbs, undone tasks, torpid mind, undecided decisions As they all lay there in an expanding tangled swell It is cold and dank through and through,
I am engulfed and I drown into the blue I flail my arms to stay afloat, To stay in the sun and find my boat. But the darkness engulfed me tight and taut, I was pushed over the edge, even though I fought Into the depths of a blue blackhole, Unknown fear embraced me as its goal. Unfounded anxiety awaits me here, Frightful creatures and nightmares bring fear Tentacles of a brewing storm muffle, All my attempts to combat the blue struggle. Scrambling to the surface through this haze, The sea of my mind is in a peculiar phase Dreary and handicapped when seized by the blues, Able and ebullient when light ensues. Clank, clunk, thump, chunk, the tired wheels turn
An empty corner of oblivion is what they yearn. Running and racing thoughts gush at speed Tumbling one after the other, hardly can I pay them heed. The course of the day replayed in its unnecessary entirety Incessant loop kindling my worry and anxiety. Clank, clunk, thump, chunk, the tired wheels turn An empty corner of oblivion is what they yearn. Stale words regurgitated, bygone conversations revisited Threadbare carpet of my thoughts stealthily retreaded, Warming up ideas that were discarded, left behind Unnecessary information occupying my mind. Clank, clunk, thump, chunk, the tired wheels turn An empty corner of oblivion is what they yearn. As night descends, the machine gains new vigour Unearthly dreams and nightmares peculiar. "Stop it! Do you hear me? This is ME." "I am your master, not the other way you see." "Stop", I command, I instruct, I reason, I plead To my inner voice;" this stimulation I do not need." But again, clank, clunk, thump, chunk, the tired wheels turn In all readiness for more thoughts they churn. Weariness has made a home in my helpless head Roots in my chest and my gut it has spread. To the memory of a simpler time my heart clings A time when time meant nothing and nothingness was a thing. No clank, no clunk, no thump, no chunk, none distressed My corner of oblivion, where tired wheels can rest. I want again my power to sit and emptily gaze To effortlessly be engulfed in that idle haze. A sea of leisure, lassitude and slowness Oh! How my heart yearns for that Sacred Idleness. Past, present and future tides
Ghosts that haunt from a former time Loving memories of dear departed Awareness of time, growth of a family Congestion of thoughts, a confused time Life events, birth of a loved one Meeting the other half, songs of split paths Hospital time, Play time, Emergency time Life-saving coffee place, shopper's paradise, time for study and contemplation Hopes and dreams, nightmares and tormented times Life's roller coaster rides, that time you found yourself Oh! the places you visit on a mind map Tell me how we came to be? How the stars and the sun, the clouds and the wind, the moon and everything come to be? Was there really a big bang, poof and voila! Or is that all just a mystery?
There were no bangs and poofs, but there were huffs and puffs, I tell you! The pufferfish puffed and puffed and blew bubbles to the surface. The bubbles brought the sun and the moon, the stars and the clouds, all to their respective places. And that is how we too came into being, from the tireless fish's mind and it's vision! Will you go on an expedition with me? We will ride an emu through a field of flowers. I promise to tell you all the stories in my heart and together we shall look for them in the fluffy blue sky.
Hard parched terrain, relentless undulating
Prickly thoughts, desertion thoughts Thoughts barbed by frustration, spiked by uncertainty But wait a minute, stand back and look Succulent and luscious they sprout from the drought Flowers burgeon vibrancy, varied silhouettes adorn The forlorn skyline fades, beauty restored. |
AuthorAn Indian visual artist, living in Pune, who finds her challenge and her calm in the realm of paper. Archives
May 2019
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